i miss friends so much. not even funny.

i cant believe im in the philippines already. . . . the byes were very shortened coz of the putang driver. i cried so much. my eyes nicely swollen, my body drained with water, my clock jetlagged as hell...
i dnt know.

i called my friends awhile ago and it made me feel somewhat better. but then the thought that i wont be seeing one of my friend for a while kills me since we're so close to each other.

i am happy for what i did last september (06) when he asked me if i wanted to go to boston with him at 11pm. the old me would be like, sorry i have class or like...nah not in the mood.
but something was different, without much hesitation, i okay-ed and joined him to boston. then our friendship began from there. how fun. :)

so anyways. thats about it......
im jetlagged as f-ck and im wondering if i shud sleep or not.

so nothing much. i shud be studying but then i havent. i just dont want to. i cant study alone... i mean i do study alone but i need someone to be there with me when im studying.

hmm. yea . . .
i was reading my livejournal entries from last year...and i was feeling sad. what i thought (in the past) was coming true.
from lj :: [i hate having upperclassmen friends! theyre gona graduate so soon....next december, next next may....i hate it! im gona be so lonely]

now its here, my upperclassmen friend is graduating. ken will be in the west coast...true, i will miss him.
i wonder how i will survive my later years in clark. all i can do is just hope that i will survive ... really.

i kno i dont have much friends, because i have quality friends. quantity doesnt matter, its the quality.... sigh. i cant stand it.

i really cant. it hurts. few more days left until i see him in spring break (or summer break). now i know, i wont make upperclassmen friends anymore coz i've had enough. i dont want to suffer this pain anymore.

makes me wonder. i tell this to myself every year but then...i end up making more upperclassmen friends. sucks for me huh?


i am tired from studying.
dear diary, i cant stand it anymore. good bye.

Sarah Geronimo's Forever's Not Enough is a good song. i like .

semester is coming to an end and my best friend is busying himself with packing. I am sad.

sad because he wont be here when im back from break.... but i'll see him during spring break - i hope?
ive been telling my friends what i should do because i'll be missing him lots and theyre all like...just chill, you'll get new friends.

thats not the point. he's first and best friend at clark. he means so much to me. he took really good care of me and i will miss his presence when he's in the west coast.
i kno part of me tells me that i will survive - just like how i survived summer breaks without my closest friends.....sigh.
i duno.... its just weird. feels weird.

i remember when my high school best friend left for canada right after school ended and ithought i would die from boredom...but i didnt...so lets see how this goes.

so exam week is here and i have studied enough for my geo final which is on friday....friday night to be exact....
my best friend is in new york with his mom and sister and cousin and his family. he left on monday night - right after his class and came back tuesday night. but we didnt get to talk much. i thought he was mad at me for going to the "hill" (holy cross) ...but i guess he was just tired. then this morning, he decided to go to new york again so he left ... its only been 11hrs and im bored shitless.

before summer ended, i told myself over and over and over again that i will not be close with him for one reason . this is the reason why i tried to avoid but i couldnt. i failed.
ups and downs we went thru - together and individually. it sucks.

like what my expos professor told the class, make memories because you new know when fun times ends. i guess its true. very true.
ive been trying to make memories good memories...but... the thought that he'll be gone from the east kills me - just like how my high school best friend left right after graduation. i never saw her again in real - she's become "another chatting friend". pretty sad.


and also, i cant live alone. living alone is the scariest thing ever. no one to talk to...no one to chill with...just the sound of the heater or the fingers typing on the keyboard........
its just scary. i wonder how people do it... really.

shud i go back to campus? if i do, i have fast internet and i wont have to worry about walking in the snow tmw morning...
hmm maybe i shud.
sigh. i dnt want wednesday morning to come... time goes by too quickly. i hate it.