midterm break?

so we undergrads dont get fall break this semester. why ? ask the clark undergrad faculty committee....! but the grad students get lotsa break - since they deserve it? shrugs.

so my best friend just left for LA almost 20 hrs ago, and well, I'm happy for him and always wishing him a safe trip/flight and everything.
i had a rough day, did some readings, had some errands to run, etc. then i havent heard from my best friend since like...i duno, 1pm ish then i was getting worried but i thought he's doing okay and waited for him to call since i didnt want to disturb him and his "2nd home".

around 2am he called and i was happy. then my words didnt come out right - i think i said "im mad and everything because you're having fun and im not".
then he said, in a cold tone, "youre not happy coz im having fun?"
thats not what i meant. of course im happy for him but part of me is jealous because he gets a 10 day break ><>


本当にツライよ
泣いてばかりでもう疲れた
自分を傷つけてまで我慢する必要なんてないよね？
人のために自分の体を傷つけるなんてありえないし
コイシイ気持ちで溢れるばかりで自分が嫌いになって行く

一緒にいてほしいのに　いつも言えずにいるばかり

お互い会わないほうがいいのかな？
我慢し泣きくずれ傷つけ自分が何でコンナニ弱いのか疑問に思う
at the end of the day　大切な人は他にいるのかも知れない。でも私の大切な人は彼・・・やっと信じられるようになったのに・・・このような態度は冷たすぎる・・・冬風で十分な冷たさ。 thats the last thing i would want this season.